I Was So Happy That I Was Terrified
What a difference a year can make. One year ago I was so happy that I was terrified. I felt like I had it all to the point that everything felt too good to be true. I was in a relationship with the love of my life, we had just moved into a beautiful condo on the water with an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline, I was promoted, not once but twice at work, and plus I lost 27 pounds. I felt like I was at my best.
Yet, with all the amazing things that were happening to me, I still questioned God and The Universe. Why? Why am I living this beautiful life? I've never had it this good.... was something bad going to happen? I was terrified and afraid to enjoy it, for fear that something bad was sure to come. I would find myself downplaying my happiness to my family and friends just to "not offend" anyone hoping they wouldn't think I was bragging.
People would ask me about my relationship and I would say I love him, he's nice instead of what I really felt which was "He's AMAZING and supports my growth". I kept fronting to people and questioning my happiness to God. Feeling and acting as if I didn't deserve it. When in all reality I deserved every bit of it. I worked twice as hard at work than anyone so I deserved my promotions. I busted my ass in the gym to develop this body that I love, which was very much well deserved. I contributed to my household so I deserved that condo on the water and I was loyal and loving (not perfect) so I deserved that beautiful healthy relationship.
I am a true believer that what you put into The Universe is what you'll get in return, including negative energy. And this time the negative energy was coming from myself and directed towards me.
Currently, I am not in that exact same position as I was last year, but I'm counting every blessing. I live alone in my beautiful apartment where I continue to work on my mind, body, and soul. I am no longer in a relationship but I continue to be open hearted to love. As you can see, things have drastically changed but I believe for the best.
Last year taught me to never feel undeserving of anything that I worked hard for. Sometimes God's blessings are not in what he gives, but what he takes away. Continue to be positive and always remember to ENJOY EVERY MOMENT.
Written by LaToya Ellerby, District Concierge Manager