How to be the Young, Fabulous, Black Bachelorette they don’t want you to be!
It’s the holiday season and as a recent law school graduate (magna cum laude, might I add) there is one thing that you won’t find in my pictures or tagged on my Instagram or Facebook posts – A MAN! As a young, Black, educated female at twenty-seven, the tug to find a beautifully bearded, ambitious young man, with a strong back and angelic smile is real, especially when it seems those around me in similar positions are married, dating, and having children every blinking moment.
The outside pressure of society saying that a young woman in her prime should have a man by her side and if she doesn’t something is wrong with her, she is unfit, or she doesn’t bring enough to the table, is frustrating, to say the least. Considering everyone has some flaws, having a significant other shouldn’t be so important especially where there are thousands, maybe even millions of the people who may not be compatible in a relationship with you. What makes this journey even more frustrating is that seldom do men the same age get similar questioning. While men are taught to live their best bachelor lives, date various women (hopefully not all at once), travel the world, make butt-loads of money, drive fast cars, and eat lots of carbs, it’s a bit different for us women, and frankly, I’m tired of it! I’m taking the word bachelorette and making it glamorous and exciting just the way it should be.
Even though I see myself as a rich wife with kids running around acres of landscaped greenery, I realize there is no reason why I can’t live my best bachelorette life until that moment, and so I have created three steps for you (and I) to become the best young, fabulous, Black bachelorettes EVER!
Bachelorette (noun): beautiful, ambitious, financially stable, single young woman living her life to the fullest
Step 1: REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE THE JUICE
In my (treacherous) dating life I’ve realized that people are who they are regardless of what their rap sheet or resume may say. In the Trap Trey, he may have a criminal rap sheet as long as Santa’s Christmas list, but it won’t mention that he is caring, respectful, great at discussing his feelings, and outstanding at planning dates when he gets the time. On the contrary, Good On Paper Paul may have a degree from Harvard, a brand new BMW, floor to ceiling windows in a downtown loft, but his resume won’t include that he flakes like he’s Tony the Tiger, don’t call back in a timely manner, and you eventually find him kissing on another woman out in public after he told you he went out of town.
Just as with the examples above, leading with your job or career, what you own, degrees you have acquired, or even your body and looks is not all you have. Dig deep and find the qualities that make you who you are – Are you able to make any situation into something positive? Do have good follow through on goals you create? Have you changed your life with a decision you made? Can you make people smile and enjoy their time with you? When the make-up comes off, you haven’t been in the gym consistently, and the car, house, and degrees disappear, what do you have left? Those characteristics, morals, and values that you have when all the accolades and material items are gone is your juice! Use it, milk it, and remember that those characteristics encompass who you are at your core.
ACTION MOVE: Write down one characteristic you always get compliments on. Write down one thing you can do every week to strengthen that specific characteristic.
Step 2: MANAGE WHAT YOU HAVE TO GROW IT
There is a saying that you first must learn to manage five dollars before you can manage five million. Although I don’t know the true source of the saying, I know it makes a lot of sense and is one of the reasons why past experience usually correlates to a future job you will receive.
Because being a bachelorette is just a step along the way to further understand yourself until you settle down (if that’s what you desire), managing the current relationships in your life is an integral part of getting closer to creating a deep relationship with the person you spend your life with. How you deal with family tiffs, misunderstandings at work or problems amongst friends will give you experiences to glean from in exclusive relationships. Managing who you have in your life, how you spend time with them, what you do to push the relationship forward, and how you can make them happy create deeper bonds.
Management also pertains to managing your time to make hobbies and other things you enjoy a priority. Recently, I fell in love with running. As an ex-collegiate athlete, once I entered the working world I was happy to do what I wanted with no worries about early practice times or two-a-days. Although I gained voluptuous curves during my downtime, I also gained some curves that aren’t my favorite type. So when my body had me going to the gym every morning to run, I went with it. I created a schedule and I HAD to go to the gym no matter what, so much so that a day after I got my first frontal install, I put everything on the line and went running.
Making time for rest, self-care, exercising, getting dressed up and going out is important! You are only young once and you can only live one day at a time, don’t let long work days take away from making time to be young, fabulous and free! Manage your fun, and make time for drinks during happy hour now so you can make it during the three-day Vegas getaway in the future.
ACTION MOVE: Write down why you and someone else have such a great relationship. Create one thing you can do every two weeks to create a stronger bond with that person.
Step 3: GO FULL THROTTLE AND PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Last week I had my last exam of law school ever. I was tired and ready for graduation, which was only two days away from leading me to the feeling of just doing what I could and making a swift exit, stage left. I quickly snapped back from my moment of laziness, reminding myself I wasn’t in law school just to finish the exam and leave, I was in law school to thrive. Three hours after telling myself to turn up on my last exam, I walked away from my computer with no regrets, knowing I pushed myself to the limit. That feeling of pushing through and giving all of your full self to whatever you do is one no one can take away and mainly because it is for you.
Going above and beyond for yourself is so powerful you may become obsessed with it, and when it comes from a place of love and respect, it should! Don’t let the world make you feel selfish for putting yourself first – ALWAYS! As long as your morals, values, and past experience are along with you in your decisions, you should always think of how a situation makes you feel, what you want and have the ability to give without losing yourself, and if the decisions allow you to become the person you wish to be.
Because this is a journey that I am joining with you, my analysis is that being fully present in everything and putting yourself first will create a new level of awareness. Whether you are cleaning your room, writing an e-mail to your boss, going to happy hour with friends, or picking an outfit – go full throttle. In going full throttle for yourself, lies a bit of balance that ensures you don’t push the throttle so far it breaks. Going hard for what you need and want and staying true to yourself is the magic equalizer. By putting your all into the situations, projects, and people that are most important to you, your capacity to do the absolute most goes up and can be concentrated to the aspects of your life that truly matter to YOU. Treat every moment with intention and focus, and I predict that even the small wins will reap much deeper rewards.
ACTION MOVE: Make a list of things that don’t serve you and DROP ’EM! Check your progress in a week.
So ladies, those are all the steps I have for now. Like I have stated before, I am also on the journey to Black Bachelorette Bomb-ness and I hope these steps help you and me to live a happier, single life.
Written By: Brieanna Singletary
Title: Law School Graduate and Owner of Brieanna Bugatti, LLC
Location: Clayton, NC