Different Stories, Similar Chapters

“PLEASE STOP! NO!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! YOU NOT GON KILL ME IN FRONT OF MY BABY!!!”

Those were the exact words I remember screaming fifteen years ago as my baby daddy beat my face viciously with my flat iron while trying his hardest to wrap the cord around my neck. I really don’t know if he was trying to kill me that day or scare me but I do know I wasn’t going out without a tough fight! I can still see the crazed look in his eyes when I think about that day. I almost try to make myself believe it never happened. It was as if he had left his body and the devil had entered it instead.

Seeing my child sitting in his baby bounce chair while hearing him scream this shrilling cry is what gave me the push I needed to fight for my life. I knew at that moment it was no way this man or creature or whatever he had become was taking my life that day and definitely not in front of my child! I walked away with a very bruised face, a black eye, and most important; my life! However, I lost my self-esteem, my pride, and myself. I know you’re wondering did I stay and the answer is yes.

 I forgave him weeks later and we went right back to our programmed lives. Me being a “housewife” without a ring and him continuously abusing me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I hated myself and everyone I encountered while praying to God to take my life while he was still out running the streets and constantly cheating on me. I was the most negative, mean person you could ever meet. Until one day God answered my prayers. Well, of course, you know God didn’t take me or you wouldn’t be reading this, but he took him. No, he didn’t die but he was arrested on an old child support charge, which violated his parole. He was sentenced to three years and sent to prison to serve it. This charge came out of the blue, but I knew it was God’s way of rescuing me from that situation.

I knew I could NEVER go back and I vowed to God I wouldn’t. I vowed to myself that I would NEVER EVER be a part of any situation where I felt disrespected, mistreated, abused, or miserable. I also vowed I would strive every day to change for the better. Change is something that one has to really really want and act on EACH day.

While my baby daddy did his time, I worked on me. I wrote him a 4-page letter (in my Aaliyah's voice LOL) and explained to him I no longer wanted to be in a relationship but to co-parent once he was out. He never wrote back and he stopped calling. I  guess his feelings or ego was hurt but I really didn’t care. The old Kinyatta was back and it felt good! Over those three years, I had become a single mom to four kids but I got myself together. I was able to focus on my kids and to be the best mom I knew how to be at that time. I began to feel better about myself and life and I started to date again. 

The family and friends he made me distance myself from started to come back around and it started to feel like old times before the “Big Bad Wolf” came into my life. God sent an old boyfriend and my best friend back into my life and he took my kids in as if they were his. We spent many years together before he was sent to prison on a drug conviction and I was sentenced to eight years. Girl yes! That’s another part of my story we’ll have to discuss it another day!

I share my story praying it will help another woman who may be experiencing domestic abuse from a partner. I’m here to let you know I understand. It’s easy for someone on the outside looking in to say LEAVE and sometimes it’s easier said than done to actually leave. I get it! I absolutely get it! But I am here to tell you that you are beautiful and you deserve nothing but the best from a partner. Our children deserve the very best from us in healthy households, and not only that, but they are watching our every move. 

You are not alone and there is life after leaving your partner. Statistics show that one in three women has been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Remember abuse is a learned behavior and is often passed down from generation to generation. My baby daddy watched his uncles mistreat, abuse and disrespect women so it was instilled in his young mind at an early age. I forgave him today because I know his mind was not strong enough to unlearn that learned behavior and he had taken enough of my energy. I also know I had to go through that situation to help someone today and I’m thankful God brought me out. 

If someone is reading this and you have experienced abuse please share your story. I know how embarrassing it can be, as many of my family and friends are just hearing my story this year, but it’s nothing better than living in your truth. God sent you through it for a reason. Continue to move forward, hold your head up high and know you are a survivor! If you need help getting through this please don’t hesitate to email me at iamwhoiambykichan@gmail.com I am more than happy to be that non-judgmental shoulder you may need to lean on.

Kinyatta “Ki Chan” Anderson
@iamwhoiambykichan